My husband has battled anxiety and depression his entire life. Often debilitating and always a daily struggle to keep going. In the 21 years that we have been together, I have experienced his relentless efforts to keep it manageable. He has tried (more than I can count) different medications, protocols, methods; read book after book, gone to multiple counselors, doctors and specialists. And yet, no matter what he has tried, he never feels like he is progressing forward. Only ever clinging to the slightest of hope to go on one more bleak day.
People often talk about how depression and anxiety effects a person, but forget how deeply it also effects that person’s spouse, or family members. It effects every part of your life and soul. I describe it like watching a loved one strapped down with weights and drowning in a stormy sea. You are standing their watching them fighting to barely keep their head above water and desperately gasping for a little air, but you have no way to save them. You feel helpless, frustrated and exhausted from the daily effort it takes you to keep hope for two people and be the primary person to manage all aspects of your life together when they can’t. Countless nights holding them as they cry uncontrollably and trying to convince them that life is worth continuing. These all take a huge toll on your heart and health.
I share my thoughts, as a spouse of a courageous husband that has fought depression our entire married life, because I want to give context to how profoundly I am experiencing change, hope, and health in my husband since beginning ketamine treatment at the Ketamine Wellness Center. He has gone from being in constant survival mode, to (and I can’t believe I’m actually saying this) enjoying life! His mode swings are all but gone and he is interested in having experiences and fostering relationships in his life. We are able to have a partnership and engagement in our marriage that I have only had moments of prior. After seeing him drowning for so long, it is joyous to actually see him start to fly!
There is still effort that is required and homework to be done. He is learning to live instead of dying, and we are learning together what that means for our relationship. I will forever be grateful for the opportunity ketamine gave us and the staff that has been there every step of the way. We could not have asked for a more kind, compassionate, or knowledgeable group to go through this with. We know that it is so vital to have the right setting and people around you as you go through this experience and we have no doubt that their professionalism and huge open hearts are part of why these treatments have been successful. I am not exaggerating when I say that this treatment and staff have not only saved our marriage, but saved my husband’s life.
With a deep gratitude I cannot possibly express to Dave, Bill, and Kirsten at the Washington clinic!