This letter is dedicated to honoring all of the significant others who have been a part of the Ketamine Wellness Center’s community. We have seen and heard you. We have noticed your struggles and your strength. We are reaching out to support you. As we grow, we want you to know that our Wellness Services are there for you too.
By Andrea Shirley, Psych BS, MC Intern
What I want my significant others to know about my journey:
I realize that my depression has been hard at times for you to understand or for me to explain. I can now put into words that in the darkness of my depression, life has felt like I have been moving from one thing to another with no apparent meaning. When life has come to a complete stop, I could not see my value or find my purpose. How I have truly felt and thought has, at times, been overrun by the symptoms of my depression. Moodiness, fatigue, fears, tears, and irritability sometimes have hidden the love and respect I genuinely hold for you. I have gone to so many doctors and therapists hoping each time this will be my time to feel well, sometimes with brief relief only to once again feel depressed. At long last, I found a real solution for me; ketamine.
Now that I am feeling better, a new journey is beginning. I can see clearly now, I have hope, I have energy, I have a desire to fulfill who I am. The gratitude and excitement I feel for living is so strong I want this for everyone who has lived the plight of Clinical Depression. There is, however, an irony in this blessing. I have begun to wonder what my life would have been like without depression. There is grief when I wonder what I could have done, where I would be now? I have a life ahead of me and am not sure where to start or how to put it all back together again. I have relationships that I have cherished but need mending.
I am on a new journey now, that of living. I want to use my new found energy to live well. I look forward to a future yet I do not know what the future will bring. I still need everyone who cares about me to love and support me as I begin to walk on this road. I feel a bit like a toddler of life. My first steps back into the world sometimes feel shaky, but I will strengthen and eventually I will be running along with more ease and grace. Please take my hand when I need it and help me upright and steady myself if I become afraid or fall down. I have the strength and desire to walk on my own, and yet I must ask you to stand beside me.
What I want my significant others to know:
You have been the most incredible part of my journey, you have helped keep me alive. I know that when the symptoms of my depression have been strong, you may not have been able to feel or see the love and appreciation I hold for you, have always held for you. I know that this has been a painful journey for you as well as me. I know that there have been times you have put your feelings and needs aside to support me.
As I heal, I want you to have the space to heal as well. I want you to reclaim the parts of you and your life that you have put on hold to have the strength to help me. I am strong enough to accept that simply because I feel better now does not mean that all we went through has not affected you too. I know that there are parts of you and your life that need nurtured back to full health.
I welcome you to walk on this road to healing beside me. I do still need you, yet you can lean on me as well. As I reach out for professional and personal support, I hope you will take the time to seek that for yourself. You are my hero, you have been my warrior, and it is now time for us all to heal together from this battle we have so bravely fought and won.
~ ANONYMOUS DEPRESSION PATIENT